For the past two years of my hijrah, I have ambled along. Living life, dealing with crisis, big, small and middling, got pregnant, had a baby...volunteered as a teacher...dealt with the numerous and varied curve balls the dh throws at me.. learnt new skills, made new friends,..lived in three different homes, and as each phase was dealt with and passed, somewhere deep inside there was a niggle that woudn't budge.

I've been slightly off kilter the whole while and didn't realise it till this afternoon when, after nearly  week of suffering the ill effects of a mutant virus and feeling as if I would never feel well again the realisation suddenly hit me full in the face. It's the lack of home-ed that's making everything cock-eyed and out of balance.

Reading through one of my old journals later this evening only served to confirm it... I was so much more productive when I homeschooled. Everything was centred, and we had a a lifestyle based on teaching, learning and exploring faith. And not only do I miss it, I realise now that it's made a profound difference in how I live my daily life...

Of course the children have gained alot of benefit from being at school for the past two years, but we've also sacrificed something huge. And now that I've realised what the problem is, I now need to find a way to heal the wound..which isn't quite gaping but is, none the less in need of a soothing balm insha'allah.

I need to find a way to bridge the gap that a non homeschooling life has made, two years is a long time to have wandered along an unfamiliar road without realising....

Islamic Happiness Project....

Yes, it lives.....
it doesn't always thrive it's true...
but as a concept, it's all still up there in my head, waiting for me to put my positive commandments into action.

I have a complex relationship with myself, it colours all things...
did I ever tell you I was diagnosed as bi-polar as a young adult?... that was before it was a trendy must have disorder and had a funky new name...


So you see, hapiness, Islamic or otherwise takes some work.
Simply to keep on an even keel takes some doing, but most days I think I get there.

Right now I need to spend some time re-affirming my goals...
taking the time to understand my relationship with Allah.
Ramadhan is nearly here, and I need to push myself in to a positive frame of mind in order to extract the very best of what that wonderful month of fasting has to offer.

So renewed effort on my part insha'allah..
and an emphasis on getting back to basics
Each week in the run up to Ramadhan I will look at one key area of my life as a Muslim and try to perfect it, or at the least to reaffirm my understanding of it.

This week Salat and perfecting my khushoo will be my priority.
Khushoo in a busy house is not always easy to achieve, but prayer is a balm that heals all wounds.
I can't think of a better place to start...

It's that Friday post...

you know, the one I should really be putting thought into all week long because I'm so focused on living my 12 very personal commandments.... ya think huh!

the truth is, as always, the things that should have been first on my list came last and thats just the way life seems to pan out for alot of women isn't it?

We have admirable intentions of making the most of our day, of using our time islamically as a means of gaining nearness to Allah...

of being thoughtful and refelective and making it about something more than just getting meals on the table and the laundry pile under control....and then...the week's over again and not ONLY have you not made any headway islamically but the damned laundry pile is STILL as big as it ever was...

What's your strategy for implementing worship?

Are there times when you think you've finally got the  worship / chore ratio sussed?

I'd love to know your thoughts....

Anyway...

This week (as always) will be different...

I'll try harder not to let my time get hijacked.

I will seek closeness to Allah in even the most mundane of household tasks...

I will try to keep my lips moist with the dhikr of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

and I will try to see my service to others as a means of attaining the pleasure of Allah rather than resenting it...

Insha'allah you all have a thoughful, peace filled, Allah concious week too,

ameen

xxxx

Project Happiness....

is just one of those things I nearly left back there at that other little blog home of mine.

But, alhamdulillah..I managed to rememeber it and drag it over here with me...

I'm generally very good at coming up with ideas for things and not following them through..I see it as a special talent of mine!

It seems like this was almost destined to be one of them, however...

we all need a bit of motivation sometimes, and I'm hoping this is mine insha'allah...

Having re-read my commandments to self, I know it's going to be a challenge...

I need to spend some time nuturing my relationship with Allah ta'ala, but before I can even begin to do that..there are some bridges that need building.

It would be impossible for me to move on in my relationship with Allah if I were not going to be totally honest with myself and with others...

I want to grow as a muslim....I want to die as a Muhsin..

and it means dealing with some long overdue personal baggage.

It's purging time... a deep soul cleanse... I'm throwing out all the bad, skanky, irrational, foul-mouthed, diva demons that reside within and am starting afresh....

I have hurt, and been hurt

I've cried and no doubt caused others to shed more than a few tears...

I'm sorry