I think it's probably true to say that, when you marry you generally try to make at least some compromises in order to accomodate your partner...
And it's probably also fairly true to say that when you marry a North African the compromises can be as far ranging as they are all encompassing.... are you catching my drift?
I have, over the years made alot of concessions for having to live with the eight North Africans that make up my tribe, and I've tried s far as is humanly possible for my children to experience both sides of their mixed culture.
On the whole though, I think their Algerian side is definately more dominant, especially since moving here. Most of the meals we cook are Algerian. The language most spoken in our home is derdja, and the more time we spend living here, the more we become tuned to the cultural norms that make living here so different to living in the UK
In the process, over the years we've been here, I've had the opportunity to learn alot of new things along the way.. some lessons have been harder to learn than others but I definately feel richer for having had the experience.
Take Eid for instance...
When we were living in England, slaughtering our own sheep wasn't something we were ever able to do.... and for my first Eid Kabir here in Algeria I really resisted getting my hands dirty and stood well back while all the sheepy things were going on.
That first year, we slaughtered our sheep in my father-in-laws house and my dh's mother and sisters got on with the job alot quicker than they would have done if I had gotten in the way!
Since then we've slaughtered in our own home, with my dh doing the honours and my two eldest sons and brother-in-law helping to skin and butcher.
Now, we're so far removed from those early days here when everything made us feel yeukh
that we feel quietly proud of our achievements.
This year my Bil took our sheeps head away, and much to my surprise bought it back later the same evening. My Mil having charred for me mashallah.
I don't usually cook the head, in fact I've never cooked a sheeps head!
.
Although one of my first tasks as a daughter-in-law was to pick the flesh off of a freshly cooked sheeps head alone, with all the other female family members looking on. If you've never pulled the flesh and fat off a warm sheeps head before all I can say is, it's like working with superglue... and if you're not used to the smell of sheep head it can be a little overwhelming.... but I didn't gag... and I passed the test!!
When he opened the tupperware tub and saw the still warm, totally intact head my eldest son got super excited and asked if I was going to cook it!!
And if there's one thing to know about me... if you put a challenge in front of me I'm probably likely to take you up on it... so, on the third day of Eid... I cooked zileef... !!
It was a big first for me, and I have to admit after tasting it... I now like it more than I ever thought I would. And another new family tradition is born.
Many of own family traditions are centred on what food we prepare and how we eat them. The preparation aswell, is as important... the conversation, the companionship, and as the Algerians would say.. the ambience...
And with every day , and every milestone we pass, we gather up our own way of doing things, and everything gets overlayed like a crazy patchwork, making our lives bolder and brighter and more colourful.
I know alot of women struggle in relationships where their partners culture and traditions become the driving force. Staying true to yourself in a relationship is sometimes hard enough on it's own, with an other culture thrown into the package it can be an even stormier ride.
I've grown alot through my experiences here, and the Algerian women I've had the good fortune to know, have always been more than happy to share their knowledge, and have been more than generous withtheir hints and tips about how best to get things done. And we've lost the fear we had initially about asking what we thought were "silly" questions. if there's something we don't understand about culturally, we ask. No fear, sometimes slight embarassment but also alot of good humour too.
Embracing another culture, along with it's traditions can be a rich and rewarding experience. If you open yourself up to it's benefits and learn to shrug off the annoyances that sometimes come along with it, it can enhance rather than engulf who you are.
At the very least helping your children to benefit from the best of their mixed cultural heritage is going to allow them to understand themselves better, and that's never a bad thing....
