I've spent some time this evening going over some old halaqah notes. We used to hold regular halaqaat when we were in London, I also used to help run a youth halaqah and opened up my home to sisters at least a couple of times a week so that we could learn together and spend time focusing on our deen.
Sometimes I miss it. The hustle and bustle of a busy home... my home is still busy, but not in the same way.
I miss being active in my Muslim community. I miss the discussion and the opportunity that writing halaqaat gave me, in terms of researching and learning.
Unfortunately there isn't the same kind of opportunity here in Dz, and I think alot of sisters suffer because of it. I think we're all alot more isolated in some ways and for some of us it's had an adverse effect on our eeman. I realized while I was reading my notes, that I'm further away from the Islamic ideal I was aiming for. That in making hijrah I have focused too much attention on the rest of my families needs and not enough on my own, and I think sometime soon something will have to give.
I've tried to be useful in my community, I've taught for two years running in our masjid, but decided to spend time away from teaching this year. I've held weekend crafting classes in my home for the young girls in our area, but nothing seems to hit the spot the way it did in the UK. I can be useful... but I can't be useful in the way I find most fulfilling.
And I'm trying to decide if this is a hurdle I need to jump, if this is something I need to just get past before getting on with something else and being productive in other ways. There is no way of giving dawah in Algeria as an ajnabiya.(foreigner) Even the most subtle attempts are unappreciated. I think the general opinion is that there isn't much a revert ajnabiya can teach someone who was raised Muslim. It's shortsighted, but it is what it is...
And so I'm left with thoughts I need to unravel and make some sense of inshallah. Perhaps the problem is that I've not actually given myself the space to think it through and really find some other purpose for being here... other than just, being here....
I think you are on the right track...give yourself time to find out your 'calling'...the whatever it might be that brings you closer to Allah and earns you brownie points for jannah :)
ReplyDeleteInsh'Allah you get there ...even if it is slowly...
are you for real...a post a day!!! THANK YOU...
I'm journalling everyday for March too Ines.. in the hope it will help untangle my spaghetti brain...lol
DeleteAnd it's true, taking time out to figure things through is an important part of "finding yourself" ... whatever the calling is? I pray it's one thats full of goodness in the dunya and the akhira, ameen
ameen
DeleteAssalamo alaikum,
ReplyDeleteSubhanAllah you took the words right out of my heart.....Although I have only been in the muslim lands for 5-6 months, I feel some sort of vacuum now that my kids are in school. So much time in UK was dedicated to home edding, and daily halaqaat were included in that. It was such a boost for the emaan subhanAllah. now i feel I need something that will allow ME to "grow", as opposed to just plodding along.....may Allah help us to find that, ameen.
That's exactly the dilemma I faced.. after homeschooling my children for so long it was hard to give up a way of life that had so many blessings... as you say, the daily halaqaat ... our day being Allah centered and full of learning for His sake... it leaves a huge vacuum... but inshallah now is the time to reap the rewards of having time at home without the children... it's an opportunity to study and think of ways to include some of that homeschooling ethic into our daily lives inshallah.. :)
DeleteAsalaam alaikum sister,
ReplyDeletewhat you are going through is *algerian accent* "norrrrmaaaal!"
can you "steal" a bit of time for yourself? can one of your kids cook sometimes and let you escape somewhere and memorise Qu'ran? I'm sure you know that feeling that you get, which compares to nothing else, when you recite Qur'an. What can it NOT do for you? I pray everything gets better for you and yours, inshaaAllah.
A fellow muhajirah in Algiers, Umm Tareq
Alhamdulillah there is always the opportunity for that as I have two grown up daughters at home with me who help share some of the load... I suppose what I'm really missing is the ability to be of service to others outside of my immediate family... it helped keep me on my toes :)
Deletei know your feeling and yes we needs some time to ourselves to achieve our goals ..... i myself found lately things on the rise and now i read more and started to study again .... baby steps at first and even when dh is here we try every evening together to and pick a topic and talk about it ...and masha`allah it does help too
ReplyDeleteinsha`allah you`ll find your way too
mashallah.. it's so good that you've made such positive changes...
DeleteIt's clearly bringing you so much comfort and happiness.... :)
xxx
Assalamu aleikum, subhnallah I can see my self in much of ur words, Dz is somehow different or is it me?? I often meet sisters who are so well adjust here with the community and all and sometimes meet others who just do not find a place, I suppose we are all individuals and some take longer than others but we pray that the purpose of been here will be accept by Allah amin.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
um hanan
Salam wa rahmatullah...
DeleteYeah I seem to feel like an odd mixture of both.. I fit in well with my community mashallah but still I feel like I ought to be "doing something" ...
we miss you BTW... the girls all send their love. Come and see us inshallah :)
xxx
Salam sister, mashAllah for your enthusiasm for da'wah and it's a shame that borned-Muslims should have that kind of attitude when we could learn a lot from your experiences..
ReplyDeleteMay I suggest that you get a few sisters, maybe 'ajnabiya' like yourself and hold a halaqah. Maybe you can start with just trying a new recipe and a 'tazkirah' (a reminder) and just meet every week by doing something fun and add something else Islamic to learn - read the Quran or hadith and soon I'm sure your group will grow if not in size but in 'ilm and iman.. just a thought!
mashallah it's an excellent idea, it's a little difficult during term time for some sisters...but inshallah if we try for the sake of Allah ta'ala then we will succeed :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like you are writing my words in a way...
ReplyDeleteI lived in a small town with a small muslim community. I converted a few years ago and since a lot of times I was the most interested, I became the one who led our halaqah. I moved to a larger muslim community when I married my husband and I just don't feel the sense of belonging that I did in my home town and I miss getting together with the ladies and having our lessons and tea...
Allah make it easy on us and give us an outlet for this need, ameen.