but when it does, homesickness hits hard!
And this week it's compounded by the fact that it's not only me. Every single member of my household is feeling the pull to go home. I am confused.
I haven't been able to sleep properly for over a week, I go to sleep and wake two hours later at most, unable to clear my head. I think the lack of sleep is making it difficult to put things into prespective. I've sought answers from people around me. Asked my children what they would most like to do. My dh has expressed a wish to go back, but would only do so if I made the choice, as it affects myself and the children the most. I'm fortunate to have been given the space to choose, but the weight of resposibility is weighing heavy on my shoulders right now.
As I'm typing I can hear one of the many Adhan's we can hear here, calling for morning prayers, and I know I would miss not hearing that terribly. But i'm also very much aware of the fact that my eeman is now at the lowest point it has ever been and I can't see a clear way forward.
I miss my Mum and worry that shes not being looked after proerly. I'm concerned that dd19, a promising artist with ambition, hasn't painted anything since we got here. I worry that she's finding it harder to study here and feels that her education has come to a halt. I worry about having to make the decision to either stay or go before a decision is made about dd20's enagement. I'm concerned that my 15 year old won't be able to fulfil his dream to have a career in sport, it is definately look less and less likely here for sure. My 13 year old is absoloutly adamant that he wants to go back (at least this week) and that he is no longer happy here. My 11 year old is probably the happiest at school, and my 15 year old has a good circle of friends that he would miss. But even then they have issues with being here. My 7 year old, is being bullied by her teacher (again), and is feeling pressured to achieve more than she's able to given that this is only her second year in school, and that she's finding it harder to learn to read than we thought she would.
And I wonder why I can't sleep!
it's not that life in Algeria is any harder than life in the UK, but I don't think we have managed to get as much out of our experience here as we could have done. I worry about my children being here and missing out on oportunities they coud have had in the UK, but I worry that if we go back they'll miss what they had here.
I love Algeria, but I'm being palgued with serious doubts. I don't want to make and rash and hastily made decisions.
I'm going to have to think this one through properly.
And this week it's compounded by the fact that it's not only me. Every single member of my household is feeling the pull to go home. I am confused.
I haven't been able to sleep properly for over a week, I go to sleep and wake two hours later at most, unable to clear my head. I think the lack of sleep is making it difficult to put things into prespective. I've sought answers from people around me. Asked my children what they would most like to do. My dh has expressed a wish to go back, but would only do so if I made the choice, as it affects myself and the children the most. I'm fortunate to have been given the space to choose, but the weight of resposibility is weighing heavy on my shoulders right now.
As I'm typing I can hear one of the many Adhan's we can hear here, calling for morning prayers, and I know I would miss not hearing that terribly. But i'm also very much aware of the fact that my eeman is now at the lowest point it has ever been and I can't see a clear way forward.
I miss my Mum and worry that shes not being looked after proerly. I'm concerned that dd19, a promising artist with ambition, hasn't painted anything since we got here. I worry that she's finding it harder to study here and feels that her education has come to a halt. I worry about having to make the decision to either stay or go before a decision is made about dd20's enagement. I'm concerned that my 15 year old won't be able to fulfil his dream to have a career in sport, it is definately look less and less likely here for sure. My 13 year old is absoloutly adamant that he wants to go back (at least this week) and that he is no longer happy here. My 11 year old is probably the happiest at school, and my 15 year old has a good circle of friends that he would miss. But even then they have issues with being here. My 7 year old, is being bullied by her teacher (again), and is feeling pressured to achieve more than she's able to given that this is only her second year in school, and that she's finding it harder to learn to read than we thought she would.
And I wonder why I can't sleep!
it's not that life in Algeria is any harder than life in the UK, but I don't think we have managed to get as much out of our experience here as we could have done. I worry about my children being here and missing out on oportunities they coud have had in the UK, but I worry that if we go back they'll miss what they had here.
I love Algeria, but I'm being palgued with serious doubts. I don't want to make and rash and hastily made decisions.
I'm going to have to think this one through properly.
Oh Kate I understand your dilemna so well. And your sense of responsibility (I only have myself to worry about) to your children, husband, family back home. I get terribly homesick for London myself, and although I like living over here in Ireland, I am thrilled to go home every 2nd month just to be home. If it wasn't for art college (how interesting your daughter is an artist, and how wonderful) I would probably have moved to London in the spring.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a huge decision to make. I put all my trust in God's will to help me make these tough, life changing decisions. I am sure you are doing the same.
I send you a big hug X
as salaamu `alaykum Kate
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help but tear up a little when I read your post ... I identified with so much of it! I have adjusted to life in Pakistan and even catch myself liking it at times but I miss Singapore. Inevitable and unavoidable - I grew up there, I have family there and still have a home there.
Like you, I have a mum who is ill too and even though we visit her twice a year, it is so hard when we hear her wistful voice on the phone missing the kids.
I'm sure the thought of your chidlren's future weighs heavily on your mind. It's lovely that your daughter and son are talented - a shame that there are no avenues for them in Algeria.
I wish I could help more than to just say that I relate but truly Allah is the best of helpers. Make lots of du`aa asking for His guidance and make istikhara. I hope that wherever you go, things work out for your family :)
Assalaamu Alaykum dear Kate,
ReplyDeleteMy dh came back from Algeria on Thursday and just yesterday I had been expressing my concerns about living here in Saudi. For the past few weeks I've been feeling SO homesick that I got a shock when I saw your post last night! Our situations might be different but similar in many ways too. I've always viewed living in Saudi as very positive but lately, my angle has shifted a bit and other than being near Makkah and Madinah, I'm finding it hard to stay happy. I need the outdoors and that is hard here. I need the seasons and the activity. My children need it. Their education is suffering as it's quite poor. I keep wanting to pull them out and homeschool them. But it's more than this and maybe needs a full post. I'm getting worried about how they view others as they are in a Saudi school with all Arab students. I sense some racist attitudes wriggling in! This is a HUGE concern for me. Like I said, prob need a post for this. But I just wanted to say, I really appreciate you're sharing this, as it has made me realise that it's not just me that feels this way in a Muslim country. When I do feel like going back to London, the thing that pulls at my heart strings is the sound of the adhaan. How can live somewhere where I won't hear it? So, I really do understand what you mean. But I don't think you should see as your decision. Of course like Imaan said, we have to make istikhara, take steps towards whatever is best for our families and if Allah makes that easy for us, we trust it is best for us.
xxx
Assalamu alaykum, have you thought about homeschooling over there? It might be an option for some of the children.Inshallah you will find the strength of eeman to stay in Algeria. How about the Open University? My older girls are working towards degrees inshallah, you can study abroad and the fees are not extortionate.You have done so well to build a life over there, mashallah, stay strong sister and may allah guide you to the decision that is best for your family.
ReplyDeletefi amanillah
assalemo alaikum,
ReplyDeleteso happy to see you blogging again! masha'allah. well we have discussed this in the flesh and you know my confusions too :)
Its a heartbreaking dilema that so many of us took the chance and made Hijra and it seems that the muslims are making it so hard and for matters of our deen. Its hard to understand the times we live in. Nothing is simple and straight forward. No one can decide for us. Insha'allah Allah guides is to what is best for our Dunya and akhira ameen.
I guess it's just one of the innevitable by-products of uprooting your home and moving somewhere more unfamiliar. To be honest as I try to rationalise my feelings I'm reminded more and more of what were the dangers of iving in Britain. That even in the couple of weeks before I left my sons friend was mugged at knifepoint and stabbed in the street next to ours. And that's just one incident that encouraged us to move. There were plenty more similar reasons too. This week looks to be another toughie for us with major flooding to deal with. But I'm more content to be here this week than last masha'allah. And theres always comfort in knowing that there ae others going through the same kind of emotions and that you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteLove and peace ladies
<3
If you did return to the UK, you could always live in a rural area free from the crime which plagues the urban areas.
ReplyDeleteessalam alaikum sis,
ReplyDeletelong time now see! ramadan mubarak!! insha'allah your ramadan is going well.
we are talking about moving back there. dh is very adament about going back. i hate the idea, but what can you do? break up your family? lol
maybe we will be neighbors. i want to chat with you if possible. what's your facebook?